The Down-Side of an Independent Woman

A friend once told me, you're born alone, you die alone. Harsh but there is a grain of truth in there. Being born and dying are indeed both solitary moments. But, I would argue that what lies in between those two does not necessarily have to be lonely.

I have always been independent. Being the eldest in a brood of four, with my parents always working, I have learned to do things on my own. I learned to read and write and count in school. I decided which sports to try, which summer schools to attend. I have always determined what I want and I pursue it regardless of anything. In short, I am used to living where I am the one responsible for my own actions. And since I have always "fixed" my life the way I want it to be, I don't mind going out of my way to help other people. Sometimes, until it hurts.

I have a generous heart. I cannot bear the sight of someone who needs help so I extend my hand, I give my time. Especially, to those I love. I have a soft heart. Maybe that is my fault and maybe that is my problem, but, that is who I am. I am either all in or all out. I do not bet on chance. I will be there when you need me. I will not screw you up. I will not leave you hanging.

But damn, it gets really tough sometimes. When I feel like I am drowned with the things I have to do and yet I feel stuck. How sad is that? You grind yet inside you still feel stuck. It's depressing and frustrating that no one out there can really give you the relief that you so need. Why? Because at the end of the day, people do what is good for them without thinking about other people. It does not matter if they screw other people out. They will just call it life. And they get away with it.

I hope I can muster the strength to collect myself and move forward, I know I eventually will. In the meantime, damn, I sure need some comfort.