Regretting nothing

Here I go again...for the past few days I see myself sleeping (accidentally) without changing my clothes from work, without even taking shower (yak! yak!) , hugging a book, beside big bags, piles of books, notes, more books, papers to check, exams, students' journals and with my laptop still on. Tired! Tired!
I have to prepare for a graduate students conference on the 27th of this month. Gadh. I still have to make some revisions on my paper.
Now...I am convinced that no matter what I do, I cannot be traditional. I cannot do a paper without an argument, I love to problematize things, form hypothesis and prove a point(s). This is what I was trained to do. And now, I give up...I surrender and I admit that I suck in archival research. Poor me!
I encourage plurality of ideas and I don't believe that we have to choose a single framework in looking at things...I don't believe that there is only one lens to view the past. I don't believe that there is a single tool to be used to articulate the "nation".
I don't want to discuss nation and nationalism for the next two weeks or so. Give me a break. I hate it when people argue like it's something so precious and imperative.

Nasabi ko na ba? I'm tired? Hehe. But...happy! Weird. Yeah..I'm actually so toxic and yet Lenard, a colleague from La Salle and a good friend, told me yesterday that I seem so happy. Well, I am! Why? Uhmm...because I realize that when you just let nature take its course, everything will fall into the right place. I see my heart in the right place right now. I'm happy, contented, and very excited!
I see your strengths and weaknesses...your fervent hopes and scattered fears...your innate goodness and unintentional selfishness...your accidental sweetness and acute apathy...your burning passion and sheer reluctance...I see your being human...imperfect but with the perfect vision and a perfect heart...
and I'm falling more and more for you.
Really. I should stop or else lalaki ulo mo.
I am happy because I gambled again. Because I took a big risk and bared myself to possible peril. I am happy because I am prepared to lose. Because I am satisfied that I seized the chance and I will regret nothing no matter what.

I Blow...Things Out of Proportion...