It's Mark in my Memory

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Someone with "Pochi" ears asked me before why I always have to be proper and rational.
Said it was so obvious whenever I'm mad at him, irritated, miss him or simply jealous and yet I always try to compose myself and dismiss what I feel as irrational.
And smile.
He couldn't believe how I manage to still be sweet and smile at him when it was so apparent that I wanted to jam his head on a glass wall and bawl like a baby.
Well, I was really being irrational but he does not care about it. He wants me to just be irrational. To be real even if I was all being stubborn, illogical, over-dramatic, exaggerated and a pain in the neck.
Guess he enjoyed it. He's really weird.
I don't know why I have to be rational and proper always.
I always have to examine if what I feel is reasonable.
I always have to rationalize my own irrationality.
I am irritated but I convince myself to be composed.
I am mad but I refrain myself from bursting out and screaming curses.
I am jealous but I tell myself that I have no right to be jealous.
So I force a smile to hide my turbulent emotion. And it's killing me, you know.
Why do I do this?
I don't know.



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