From Online to Offline Intimacies
- Development of intimacies that begin with app usage has parallelisms with intimacies that are not mediated by any online structures.
- The encounters are contingent upon individual goals, attitude, and preferences that can range from 1] Casual (mutually predicated) relationship; 2] Asymmetrical relationship where one party is more invested (any form); and 3] "Ersatz Intimacy" (a term I coined myself) which refers to the tendency to veer away from the stigma and preconceived notion of online dating apps by deliberately feigning sincerity, albeit failing (totally).
- These tendencies, however, are neither conclusive nor stagnant - one can occur after the other (i.e. there could be shifting phases throughout the entire duration of the relationship.
- The most fundamental difference is speed and quantity - online encounters can simultaneously take place (i.e. chatting with three different persons at the same time; thus building an assumption of familiarity and shared experience).
- It is a game of luck (as in real-life/no-app encounters) - the probability of meeting a potential long term partner is conversely related to the number of encounters obtained.
- The whole process is physically and psychologically draining for an individual incapable of managing or handling superficial and fleeting affairs (in other words, it is not for the faint hearts).
- Terminating communication (or calling it quits) is way easier especially if there are no substantial socialization, interaction, or shared experiences that test compatibility and commitment.
- As in no-app encounters, there could occur (in online to offline intimacies) a phase of uncertainty - where definition and labels do not quite apply such as dating or not; potential long term partner or not; exclusive or not; fuckboy/girl or not - as much as clarity is needed, it does not always emerge naturally given various impediments (the template of the app itself; fear of abandonment; lack of will or indecision; among others.
- Recommendations: always project a protectionist stance - individual defenses should be fostered and coherent goals or aims should be identified. Be highly selective in putting down investments - be prepared to lose, but be more prepared to win. Losing in the game is easier - you lose, you are out, end of story. However, winning takes you to the long haul - and that, my friend, is a different story all together.
- The encounters are contingent upon individual goals, attitude, and preferences that can range from 1] Casual (mutually predicated) relationship; 2] Asymmetrical relationship where one party is more invested (any form); and 3] "Ersatz Intimacy" (a term I coined myself) which refers to the tendency to veer away from the stigma and preconceived notion of online dating apps by deliberately feigning sincerity, albeit failing (totally).
- These tendencies, however, are neither conclusive nor stagnant - one can occur after the other (i.e. there could be shifting phases throughout the entire duration of the relationship.
- The most fundamental difference is speed and quantity - online encounters can simultaneously take place (i.e. chatting with three different persons at the same time; thus building an assumption of familiarity and shared experience).
- It is a game of luck (as in real-life/no-app encounters) - the probability of meeting a potential long term partner is conversely related to the number of encounters obtained.
- The whole process is physically and psychologically draining for an individual incapable of managing or handling superficial and fleeting affairs (in other words, it is not for the faint hearts).
- Terminating communication (or calling it quits) is way easier especially if there are no substantial socialization, interaction, or shared experiences that test compatibility and commitment.
- As in no-app encounters, there could occur (in online to offline intimacies) a phase of uncertainty - where definition and labels do not quite apply such as dating or not; potential long term partner or not; exclusive or not; fuckboy/girl or not - as much as clarity is needed, it does not always emerge naturally given various impediments (the template of the app itself; fear of abandonment; lack of will or indecision; among others.
- Recommendations: always project a protectionist stance - individual defenses should be fostered and coherent goals or aims should be identified. Be highly selective in putting down investments - be prepared to lose, but be more prepared to win. Losing in the game is easier - you lose, you are out, end of story. However, winning takes you to the long haul - and that, my friend, is a different story all together.
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