Reprimanding the Self
I kind of feel woozy right now, so let me try to put things into perspective.
I'm used to do things alone (and in my way). I never really had to depend on anyone to attain what I have right now. I try to be independent and strong without having someone there to help me. I seldom ask a friend for a favor...but when I do ask for a favor that means, the burden is too much for me to carry alone. That means I'm already on the verge of breaking down. That means I really need help and I'm too proud to beg for it.
But as a friend, I am very helpful. I can safely say that always I try my best not to let a friend in need down. Even if I have to go out of my way, I'll do it for the sake of friendship and love. I can drop studying for an important exam if a friend needs me to call him and talk about nonsensical stuffs. I can stop from working on my thesis if a friend needs me to accompany him in a leisurely walk. I do these things, perhaps stupidly, because I care more about relationships and friendships. Well, it does not mean that Im too lax about my career or studies, I always make sure to spend extra hours for my work just to make up for the "lost" time I spent with friends. I go for balance - work, family and friends.
But you see, I don't demand anything from a friend in return. As I mentioned above, I think I'm too proud to ask for help from a friend...nevertheless sometimes, I am forced to do so...and it's only because I have no other choice.
And when a friend turns me down...yes, it hurts like a million stabs...still, I try my best to smile - not because I am pretending to be okay but more because I try to convince myself that I can still do things alone and that my friend is free to do what he wants and I don't have the slightest right to demand. (And I don't want to demand).
I remember telling this to a friend: Minsan lang ako humiling...ibig sabihin hindi ko na kaya...
I'm used to do things alone (and in my way). I never really had to depend on anyone to attain what I have right now. I try to be independent and strong without having someone there to help me. I seldom ask a friend for a favor...but when I do ask for a favor that means, the burden is too much for me to carry alone. That means I'm already on the verge of breaking down. That means I really need help and I'm too proud to beg for it.
But as a friend, I am very helpful. I can safely say that always I try my best not to let a friend in need down. Even if I have to go out of my way, I'll do it for the sake of friendship and love. I can drop studying for an important exam if a friend needs me to call him and talk about nonsensical stuffs. I can stop from working on my thesis if a friend needs me to accompany him in a leisurely walk. I do these things, perhaps stupidly, because I care more about relationships and friendships. Well, it does not mean that Im too lax about my career or studies, I always make sure to spend extra hours for my work just to make up for the "lost" time I spent with friends. I go for balance - work, family and friends.
But you see, I don't demand anything from a friend in return. As I mentioned above, I think I'm too proud to ask for help from a friend...nevertheless sometimes, I am forced to do so...and it's only because I have no other choice.
And when a friend turns me down...yes, it hurts like a million stabs...still, I try my best to smile - not because I am pretending to be okay but more because I try to convince myself that I can still do things alone and that my friend is free to do what he wants and I don't have the slightest right to demand. (And I don't want to demand).
I remember telling this to a friend: Minsan lang ako humiling...ibig sabihin hindi ko na kaya...
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