Happy Birthday, Charlie

Dear Charlie,

Usually words come out of me like rapidly gushing water. Today, it is not the case. 

On the one hand, I feel lost. You and I - we have always exchanged the most sublime words and sentences. So, to find myself utterly scrawling for letters and composing verses out of a conundrum is paralyzing. On the other hand, I feel sanguine. Perhaps, I have arrived at a point when all the things I needed to express have already been spoken. 

Perhaps, just perhaps, I have reached an endpoint in our most recent, or final, dialogue. 

Allow me to stop here (although, it seems, you stopped first while I persisted on a monologue) and just greet you...happy, happy birthday to the most gentle and charming gremlin in the world. 

You are a vortex of brilliance, lunacy, and un-orthodoxy.

I have enjoyed every single second I spent running around your maze-like mind; our intellectual sparring, your natural sarcasm, and irresistible appeal; the countless times you cooked for me; and even those times we spent in cafes just reading - without any exchange of words. I will forever cherish the warm and beautiful home we once shared, the unconditional love we professed, and the bond of friendship that remains (I hope) steadfast. 

You are an indelible mark in me - and it is a beautiful mark. Thank you for patiently waiting for me to grow up. Thank you for helping me be the kind of woman I am today (a rare mix of sexy, funny, bitchy, OCD, intelligence, and arrogance...perfect, like you, ha!). 

Thank you for trying so hard to understand why I walked away - I know how much pain I have caused you...and I am sorry. Thank you for transiting in my life. But most importantly, thank you for letting me love you...

Always,