Today, I Read the Saddest Lines
I take joy in being alone. I savor the freedom and the space. But, one thing we do not expect is to stumble on another person who will change your life so much and will offer you what you need, unconditionally, without falter. How lucky I am to have come across you...my soulmate, bestfriend, lover. I have recieved the most beautiful lines from you...and today, I received the saddest lines...
"It has been a while since I had news from you, I guess the
words don’t come out of me that fluently anymore.
I have had the most bizarre imaginary conversations with
you, endless monologues of rage, and disappointment, sadness and profound
tenderness. The first two are my ego speaking, the last ones the side of me
that I most treasure about my memories of you. I have never loved any person
the way I have loved you, openly and frankly, but most of all unconditionally
in your search for your own being.
That is new for me, my gain and my loss! I let toxic aspects
of us sit in my soul, probably giving space to catch my breath and recover, and
I grew unsettled without a way out, without a word from you. Deep inside I knew
when I did not have the strength to keep my arms steady, we both would fall
into a deep hole of darkness, or at least this feels like it.
I can’t think of you with fairness at this stage, that is
why your emails go to spam, and the rest has been blocked. But it is Sunday and
6 pm and seems to be the right hour to exorcise the demons I can put into
words.
It is what it is, we can’t be someone we are not, even if we
believe in it."
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