Promises...

are made to be broken...


Okay. Fine. He didn't promise anything...but heck, he was the one who persuaded me to go to Banaue...

Long ago, I convinced myself that one of these days, I'm going to pursue a wonderful escapade... Pero hindi naman sa Banaue yun.

I learned about the conference of historians there several weeks ako, I was interested...but I know that I won't be able to go there alone so I simply shrugged my shoulder and went on with my other more mundane plans...

Then came a phone call... He asked me if I will be attending the conference, I said no because I don't have company... he said he'll accompany me... May side comment pa siya na wag na daw ako mag-isip, pumunta na ako at malamig dun... (sa isip ko, so what if it's cold there? will you hug me? i doubt it...)

Two words: elated and scared!

I was so happy that he offered his company but at the same time I was scared and doubtful if he would be able fulfill this obligation.

Marami na siyang pagkakataong nag-aya...minsan pa nga hindi ko naman talaga gustong sumama dahil nakakahiya sa mga makakakita...pero pumapayag ako.

And several times, he was not able to stand by his word.

Whimsical man. Heck.

Am I hurt? Nope. Uhmm.. well, not so much... I already anticipated that he wont make it again this time.

But hell, I wanted to be proven wrong... but it didn't happen.

Obviously I was excited! See my previous blog about how excited I was about the trip. Heck.

It was a once in a lifetime experience - 5-6 days of academic stimulation and making new friends and intense bonding with him and the rest of the junior faculty of a presitigious university!

Now...all my illusions and dreams of a perfect vacation came crashing down on me...

Pasalamat siya mapagpasensya ako.... Kung hindi nabatukan ko na siya at nasabihan ko na siya ng masama...

I hate it when I'm right about a person's flaw...specially with this person... aysus.

Nararamdaman ko na na magfafalter siya... I was right.

But you know what? Just a warning: don't ask me if you're not sure about what you really want to do..don't suck me into the vortex of chaos if you won't be there to caress me when I feel tired...

I was disappointed. For the nth time. But I understand, I will always try to understand. I am not mad at him...

Again, when it comes to him... I'm just... yielding.